Four years of this journey. Well, four years since I met my soul, but a lifetime of this journey.

It was when my soul recognized itself that the journey went from a path, to a roller coaster.

Now it feels like the roller coaster stopped, and I don’t know what to make of it.

I feel… disconnected. I know that is an illusion, but nonetheless, I feel it or perceive it and I am unsure why. It feels as though I am falling back asleep but I still have the memory of being awake and some of it still resides in me.

I’m almost entirely out of the twin flame communities. Only a few people I stay in contact with. I struggle to meditate, when before it came so easily and I did it twice a day or more. My heart center is on but as I have mentioned before, only lightly. It comes on occasionally when my soul recognizes something significant. I feel like when you have a kundalini awakening, it never shuts off after that, but it can dim. I don’t feel him anymore. I don’t feel if he is thinking of me, when he will contact me, and my heart center does not light up every time we connect now, just sometimes. I don’t feel his touch when I am alone. My chakras rarely light up.

I feel a lot of fears of abandonment once again. I cleared a lot of it, but I can feel that there is still more buried deep in me. More inner child work. There has been self judgement again. I see I need to accept myself more. More shadow work to be done.

However, I have become more grounded. More focused on my job and my life with friends and family.

What do I make of this? Oh I get it now! I was too far in the spiritual side, and not enough in the physical side. I am being balanced. Although it feels as though the pendulum has swung too far to the other side again.

I was so caught up in the spiritual side, I was neglecting my 3D life.

It’s time to balance my life.

We all come together eventually, and in deep, profound Love and magic that surpasses anything words can describe. Until then, I need to focus on me.

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2 thoughts on “I feel different

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