She obsesses. She is fearful of losing the connection. She tries to find ways to manipulate this, to force it to happen, but she also wants so badly to learn, and to understand. She asks so many questions, and I love this about her, but I see where she is blind.
Her fear, and obsession has given her tunnel vision. The connection she feels is so good that she is terrified to release it and surrender to it, so the universe can help her.
“He said it was his imagination. He said it never happened. He said it was just obsession, and now he has left and found another woman. What if he loves her? Is our connection gone forever? Did I ruin it? Did I kill the third energy? What if he never remembers? I’m in so much pain. How can I transcend this? How do I get through the pain? I feel like the universe betrayed me. What is he thinking about? Why is he with her? Does he feel the connection? Is he thinking of me?”
Deep down what she is really saying is that she is afraid that she lost him forever. She thinks she wasn’t good enough to bring them into union. She does not trust that she can manifest this, and she does not trust that the universe works with her.
He is asleep. She has to let go of this man who is sleeping. They cannot be the divine other until they are awake, so what use is it to hang on?
The pain she feels is because she does not feel whole on her own. She still thinks that if someone else will love her, she will be a whole and happy person. This is unhealthy because it means she will always need someone to make her feel whole, and that means she will always take and pull from her divine other. Rather than loving him, she will be taking love from him to serve herself.
Until she can give love without expectation, it would only cause more harm to her divine other. If she can look inside herself, to find that love that she desires, she can begin the process of becoming spiritually strong. Then she can give that love without expecting anything in return.
While he is sleeping, why not work on those issues? Learn to love unconditionally, both to him and to herself.
It feels so good to love someone without expecting anything in return. That doesn’t mean you don’t want them to love you back. It means you will love them even if they don’t.
Her obsessive need to know if he is thinking of her, is a fear she has lost him. I want so much for her to see that the she and the universe worked together to bring her to him, and that this is an intelligent force that works for her betterment. What ever the outcome may be, it will be for her benefit. It wants her to find happiness and love.
I remember being in her situation. The connection, (when one is awake to it) is almost unreal. It feels like something beyond mere, mortal, love, and it can make a person go a little bit insane, and a whole lot obsessive, until you get control of it. It is a peek into what will become if union happens, so naturally one does not ever want to lose that, and it can be scary to let go of something so amazing and trust that it will come back to you even better than before, but only if we would just get out of it’s way. All this controlling she is trying to have, is only slowing it down more, but she can’t see it.
I think of a child holding an old ragged teddy bear and her parent has a brand new teddy bear they want to give the child, but the child must first hand over the old one. The child is too young to understand that in order to get the new teddy bear, they must let go of the old one. If you try to take the old teddy away, they will cry. Then there is that small moment where they let go of the old teddy, but have not yet grabbed the new one. That moment when the child’s hands are empty, are the most upsetting to the small child. They are so busy crying over the loss, that they cannot see the new teddy being handed to them, and they cannot see nor grab the teddy, until they stop crying and open their eyes.
The old teddy is her divine other who is sleeping, the new teddy is her divine other who is awake, the parent is the universe, and that moment when she lets go and there is neither her old teddy nor her new teddy in her hands, is where she must trust that all is going to be okay.