Yesterday was tough, but I learned something significant that gives me a glimpse into what I am becoming.
I had terrible anxiety yesterday. It had not been this rough in many years and I could not understand why it was happening. Everything has been moving forward and going very well. My health has been great and I learned what was happening with it and I learned that it is something I can fix, which put me in a very optimistic mood. My finances are better than ever and I see I will be doing much better. I’m in the process of buying a car, which is always fun for me. Everything seems to be working out well and I can feel that the universe has been helping me to move into a better life. I feel supported and loved by the universe. So when I got anxiety, I just didn’t understand it.
It started that morning and I quickly hid away from everyone to try and get a grip on it with meditations and breathing and reasoning it all out, but it just wouldn’t go away.
I felt very vulnerable and scared, and I just wanted my twin to contact me so I could feel loved and supported, even if in just a small way. Of course he wasn’t going to do that and I didn’t expect him to, and lately I have not felt the need to have him here to support me emotionally. I have just been happy that I got to meet him and I send loving energy his way. Yesterday was an exception.
All day I was in this state, until late that night when I realized that no one can make me feel better, except me. That I am my own pillar of strength, but also that I am the pillar for my twin. I saw that this is my role in this journey.
All of my life I had been the one relying on others for my support. If I had a partner, I came to them to feel important, loved, and to use their strength for my own. If I am to become a Goddess, I must walk the path as one, and this means I am my own strength. I give strength and love, not take it.
Just as I learned that loving my twin without any expectations of him returning it, felt wonderful, so now I am learning that being a strong emotional support system for others, without any expectations, that they would return the favor, is also a wonderful feeling. If, that is, I can learn to be my own strength.
I saw what I am to become and what I am to strive for. This is the next part of my path. I can see now that the universe is going to keep bringing these episodes to me, until I learn from them and become strong.
This morning I thought about the roles of males and females in our society and in the entire world. Men have been assigned the role of being the pillar, and women to rely on them, but this is backwards. If you look deeply enough, you can see that these roles have put a lot of stress on society. Men try to carry the role society put before them as well as feeling their desire to be with a strong, inspiring woman. I see women who try to be both the subservient, as well as holding high confidence and strength.
When I see a traditional male role, where they take control of everything and the woman complies, it is often almost abusive. As the years go by, the woman tends to be resentful that she was never recognised as being competent, and the men become resentful that they have had to carry the weight of being supportive in every way. The women feel restricted from expressing their creativity and insight and feel they have never reached their potential, where as men feel drained that they have had to supply the finances, the fixers, and the emotional support and strength for the entire family.
The happiest couples I have seen are when the woman is free to express herself in any way she chooses, and where her insight is welcomed and respected, and where the woman can nurture and give support. They are confident, loving, nurturing, strong, and they demand respect. The men feel safe to come to their woman for strength, and they are happy to be the builders and doers for their woman.
I hope this does not come off sounding demeaning, because it absolutely is not meant to be. I see happy couples as ones who share equally in the leadership, it’s just as the roles get switched a bit to work better with our natural instincts.
This also does not mean I feel males and females are assigned roles. It is more like a masculine energy and a feminine energy, rather than an assigned sex.
I was talking with a good friend this morning and she said she also went through the same thing on the same day. She is facing some stressful stuff right now and she so badly wants her twin flame to be supportive, but he is having trouble being that support system because he is so worried for her. She came to realize that she is the one who becomes the pillar in their life and that this is her role as a twin flame Goddess. She was my confirmation that I was on the right track with what I had concluded last night.
The roles in society need to be switched, but we must keep in mind that one side is not superior to the other.
With this new insight, I see that my role is to be the support system, and to do that, I must be strong and whole within myself.
In the twin flame community I have often heard people say to be the stable one that their twin can run to when they need and not to worry when they run away, but instead to just be stable and loving for them and they will come to you when they need strength, and when they see you are stable, they will be ready to will commit.