The anxious and avoidant attachment is stemmed from the hurt, wounded inner child. They either cling, and attach themselves to someone, to gain the love they had been denied as a small child, or they avoid and detach, out of fear of being rejected and hurt. They do not do this out of malice or intent to hurt anyone, they are just trying to protect themselves from hurt. It is important to realize the inner child is not mature, so they can often not be aware of their behavior.

Inner child work and the attachment and avoidance that can come along with it, is something a lot of people experience and they can use inner work to help heal this, but a twin flame dynamic is different. There are some things that work very differently between twin flames that will not work the same with other people in regards to this dynamic. Please keep this in mind.

In a twin flame dynamic, often times when the two of them are not in union yet, they sort of oscillate, until their energy balances. This oscillation is caused by old wounds and their reactions to them and the triggers. One of the common ones is the wounded inner child.

This oscillation will look like a push and pull dynamic, where one will cling to you then run away and avoid you. Cling and run, cling and run, ask to meet you then ghost, text you then avoid answering your texts for weeks.

That is why as their twin flame, it is important that you stay centered. You must be the calm one, the loving one, the patient one. You must be the stillness and consistent friend for them to feel safe to come to you.

Yes, there are just plain users out there. This isn’t about them. This is about your twin flame. If the other person is surely your twin flame and you know this within you, then this is where things are different than a ‘normal relationship’.

Twin flames have this tremendous magnetic pull towards their other half, but there are old wounds that get triggered the closer they get to their twin flame. This causes them to want to be near you because they feel this intense love or attraction, but they also want to run away because they are feeling something so strongly that they are afraid if they get too attached, it will hurt too much.

It is important to stay centered during this. Getting upset only creates more oscillation. Be the still, centered, save one for them to trust. You have to be strong. Understanding this reaction can help one gain compassion for their behavior.

As a twin flame, I have been frustrated with this a lot, until I understood it better. I have also seen this a lot with other people who are not settled with their twin flame yet. It hurts when they do this, and it’s easy to mistake their actions as them being cruel and manipulative, but it is likely that if this is your twin flame, they are actually struggling with their own fears and not really intending to hurt you at all.

Please keep this in mind and have compassion for your twin. You don’t have to put up with it. You can refuse to participate if it is too hard on you emotionally. You can also be there when they come to you and when they run away you can send them off with love. You can tell them to leave you alone until they figure it out and that you will be there with open arms when they are ready. There are many ways to handle this, as long as you keep in mind to be the steady, strong one who offers a calm, save place for them to come to. I suggest you go within and listen to your intuition as to the best way to face this. Just remember that it is easy to mistake our fears for intuition. If there is any fear in your choice, wait a day or so and then come back to it. If there is no fear and your choice has joy in you, then you can not go wrong there.

Have a beautiful day, everyone.


3 thoughts on “The inner child and the twin flame dynamic

  1. Yeah. Everything about this hits home. Twinsy and I are best buds, and he vanishes on a regular basis, triggering me when he leaves AND when he returns… and he always does. I have considered breaking off the friendship for good but that is my ego. My guidance says lay off, hold space, and love myself and him unconditionally at all times. Surrendering to that is harder than anything else but it is what is most necessary. He struggles so much with his demons. I feel him hurting, and it kills me. I work hard on myself every day, and hope that my healing catalyzes his. Thanks for your post.


    1. The triggers can be so tough but truly healing when we can walk through them, but surrendering has been the toughest for me. Mostly because it took me so long to understand what surrendering truly is.
      I’m happy you like the post!


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